Kathy knew it must be so, but didn’t want to jump to conclusions. It was only after she went to the doctor that she accepted it as true. She was officially pregnant. Tim knew her suspicions, knew she would see the doctor today. Kathy wondered now; should she call Tim? Text him? It seemed best to wait until they were both home, and tell him then.
What would that be like? They both had already tacitly concluded she was pregnant, but the conversation centered around ‘was she, or wasn’t she’. Tonight, it would center around what to do about it. Kathy wasn’t sure, in her own mind, of how the conversation might go. Children were part of their plan, their long-term plan. But right now, children were more of a concept than a consideration. Well, she smiled to herself, the conception is a fact, and now we need to consider what to do about it.
She went back to the office after the doctor’s appointment. No reason not to. She hadn’t told any of the others. Until she knew exactly what to say, she preferred to say nothing. She was used to handling responsibilities and making decisions, but for this, she was glad to wait until this evening, and figure things out with Tim.
She usually got home just a few minutes before Tim. She sat down on the couch and poured herself a glass of wine while she waited. She picked up the glass and pondered it as she had never done before. How much drinking should a pregnant woman do? Did it even matter, if she and Tim decided to terminate the pregnancy? Her very pondering of that glass of wine made her realize that she was not so sure of what the decision would be.
She poured a glass for Tim. Why not?
He came through the door a few minutes later, looked at Kathy, looked at the wine. He looked back at Kathy quizzically.
“Well?”
“It’s official.”
Tim couldn’t read her. Or at least he read that Kathy had reached no conclusions. He sat down beside her, picked up the wine from the coffee table, and put his arm around her. He, too, contemplated his glass.
“Should there be a toast? If so, to what?”
Kathy snuggled a bit. They each contemplated their glasses, as if the glasses were some sort of focal point that would clarify their vision.
“This is no time to have a baby,” said Kathy.
That was obvious enough. Two careers getting into full swing. Their visions were realizing themselves. Their visions included children ‘down the road’ but not now.
“You know,” Tim said, “Early pregnancies often abort on their own. Phil at work told me a while back that his wife had miscarried no sooner than she started to realize she was pregnant. It was upsetting to them both, but they had so little invested emotionally, that it wasn’t long before they were over it.”
Kathy sipped her wine. “But they didn’t deliberately terminate it. Would they have? That’s a whole different thing to deal with, a miscarriage rather than a deliberate abortion.”
“The result is the same.”
Kathy considered that. And then, “The causes matter. Not just the effect. Until I was officially pronounced this morning at the doctor’s office, it all seemed academic. Reason it out and go from there. Now it’s real.” She turned to him. “Whatever we decide, I can’t pretend that there isn’t another life inside me. I know it’s just some cells, not a real person. I’ve never judged any other woman for their choice, and I always considered it a possibility for me. And it still is a possibility. But I’ve been asking myself, for just these last few hours, why would I do it? What factors would cause me to do it?” She needed a moment to consider further, and took a sip from her glass. “We are not in some situation where an abortion is called for. We aren’t ill. There are no real obstacles. Inconvenience, of course, but no real obstacles. We have our home, we have us. We were planning on this anyway.”
Tim was perplexed. He had never seen Kathy quite like this. Her rationality was obscured a little by her feelings. He had no problem with that.
“It’s easy enough to see where you’re headed. But let’s not jump to conclusions. We’re talking about the ultimate commitment. We’re talking about taking a 180 on how we’ve thought of things before. Think of the life we have now, and the life we’ll have with a child. Disruptive is putting it mildly.”
Kathy sat up, pulling away a bit from Ted’s arm. She looked at him and smiled. “Did you hear what you just said?”
“Well, yeah, I know what I said. What did you think you heard?”
“You said, ‘the life we’ll have with a child.’ You didn’t say the life we could have, or the life we might have.’ You said, ‘the life we will have with a child.’ It’s what you want.”
Tim smiled in resignation. “That’s what I get for marrying a trial lawyer. I’m still not convinced. But I know you’re not turning back, and I’m right there with you. For better or worse.”
“For better or worse. And I think we’re in for a whole lot of better.”
They raised their glasses, and toasted.
I’m afraid this fictional story is all too real. This is the way my husband and I (I’m a woman, not actually Elvis), discuss the decision to buy a new car.
What really bothers me is that this is the way the “decision” is depicted as normal and rational in our society now.
These are the same people who condemn eating at McDonalds, as though anyone who eats at McDonalds should know better: Eating at McDonalds will destroy your health and make you obese! These people know better and would never make that mistake! (I don’t agree).
These are the same people who don’t make the connection between sex and pregnancy. There is an agreement that if a woman gets pregnant, it’s nobody’s fault, it just happened, like getting cancer. Nobody is to blame. The DECISION can only be made after a pregnancy is confirmed.
It’s righteous to criticize and condemn people for being fat, even if you know nothing about them. They put the wrong things in their body, and it naturally made them fat. Input - output.
But they are silently agreeing that people do not have a CHOICE when it comes to pregnancy. They silently agree to deny that there is a choice to have sex or abstain. Our laws here in the US do not take away that choice. So why is there blind acceptance of the lie that if abortion is not easily accessible and acceptable, a woman has no choices?
Why are people so willing to be so stupid, and feel so smart and virtuous for being so stupid?
I didn’t get pregnant easily. I desperately wanted children. I had 5 miscarriages. But I was determined to keep trying, in spite of the heartbreak of miscarriage. I was able to have 6 children. To me, there is nothing in life as important and as wonderful as having children, even though it is difficult at times - many times, even when they are grown.
Having children need not be expensive. You don’t need to wait until you can “afford” them.
Most woman are more fertile in their late teens, twenties, and early 30’s. They have the energy and strength to care for children when they are young.
What was normal and expected in the recent past - getting married young and having children, is now considered a risky option. How did that happen? So sad.
I got married 54.5 years ago.
It was a huge adjustment .
A year later the baby came.
I soon learned Up until then I had no idea what life adjustment was.
I did adjust.
I was no longer the center of the universe.
Now, in old age, I’m a fading star.
I do have my/our little solar system.
I/we have a couple of rotating planets.
They include my/our four moons.
I can’t imagine being a lonely star fading into oblivion.
Do I have regret?
I do.
I wish I/we had a couple more planets and their moons.