To My Younger Self
With age comes wisdom...If you do it right.
To My younger self
I ran into my younger self the other day. I was working in my basement shop, something I do too little of in my retirement. My younger self had a much larger shop, and employees. In my small shop my hands and my mind easily manipulate the materials, familiar as I am after decades of experience. These are the same tools, the same materials that my younger self uses. Only the times have changed.
My younger self watched me work. He was impressed. He has struggled. Every day, a new challenge, and only dogged perseverance can see it through. I no longer have that perseverance. The drive is not there, even though I keep at things pretty well. But he keeps at it, no matter what. He is less efficient, less able to see a clear path to success, but he keeps working at it.
It seems a bit foreign to me now, blazing a new trail, not being sure where it leads, but eager to find out. Yes, he got in a little too deep a couple of times, not being able to adequately judge time and expense. Today, I can accurately assess what is involved, how long things will take. I know not to ‘bite off more than I can chew’. I leave time for down time. Projects that aren’t getting done can wait another day, another week.
The same, perhaps for relationships. My younger self would jump in, certain that relationships could be made to work. He would try to make things happen that could not happen. The irony is, the relationship that works for me today, has worked for over forty years, is relatively effortless. Not effortless, exactly, but it works and does not need to be forced. I have to give credit to my younger self for that. He married my wife in his early thirties. Analytical and rational as he was, he had no idea why the relationship worked. But he had the plain good sense to see that it worked, would continue to work. He made a lifetime commitment, and it is everything to me now.
My younger self was foolish, inexperienced in many ways. Good judgement is not the mainstay of youth. That reminds me of an old joke: Two bulls, one young and one older, were wandering the meadows, seeking the tastiest of clover, wherever they could find it. After a while, they crested a rise and there below, several hundred yards beyond, was an entire herd of cows. The younger bull turned to his compatriot and said, “Let’s run down there and make love to a few of those cows.” The older bull continued chewing his clover as he contemplated the situation. “How about, we walk down there, and make love to all of them?”
Yes, with age comes wisdom. Hopefully, at least. I miss my younger self sometimes. But even if I could, I don’t know that I would want to trade my life now for my younger self back then. Still, I must acknowledge that he made me what I am today. My skills and abilities didn’t appear out of nowhere. There is no school to attend, that teaches me to be me. My ability to see the bigger picture, to connect dots, had to be developed by trial and error. And my younger self paid the price for the mistakes during that learning process.
Thank you, younger self. Because of your fortitude, your desire to build a life and not just live it, I am doing fine, now. I could not have done it without you.
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I remember the "Two bulls" joke. Enjoyed this post.